Observations From The DiSclafani Compound

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As we struggle with what some people are calling the New Normal, adapting our lifestyles has become a priority. Like most of you, we’re following the guidelines and staying indoors while practicing “Social Distancing.”

Our family is trying to adjust to life without social interaction. We miss the simple pleasures, like going out to Panera and seeing a movie. Until we get the all clear and feel comfortable doing that again, we’ll continue to play it safe.

For now, here are a few observations from the DiSclafani compound:

“Sheltering In Place” Is Kind Of Like Being Imprisoned In Stalag 13
Remember the TV show Hogan’s Heroes? The Germans were keeping several prisoners of war at Stalag 13. Every now and then, they would hatch a plan to break out for a short time. Unable to just walk out the door, escaping required an elaborate plan. That’s a lot like what is happening to us today. Leaving the house requires extensive planning and protection. There is no time for mistakes or a do-over. Get out, get what you need and get back in. No time for lollygagging or window shopping. No more picking up milk today and going back tomorrow for orange juice. Suddenly, you are spending more time and thought on that shopping list.

I’m Wearing Out My Slippers
There is just no reason to wear shoes if you aren’t leaving the house, is there? Oh sure, I’ll switch to sneakers once or twice a week just to change things up, but the bulk of the time, I’m wearing my space booties. However, one pair was usually good for at least a year, maybe 18 months in the past. It’s my go-to answer when someone says, “What do you want for Christmas?” But I’m in serious jeopardy now. Although slippers are designed for everyday use, I’m sure the baseline is only an hour or two during the week before bedtime and a few extra hours on long weekends. But 12 to 14 hours a day?

Sweatpants Have Become A Way Of Life
It started at work with Casual Friday and morphed a few years ago into business casual every day. But working from home every day has brought my daily wardrobe choices to a new level. When I want to get “dressed,” I wear jeans. All other times, I’m wearing sweatpants. And as soon as the weather gets warmer, I’ll be wearing shorts. Basically, I just don’t care anymore.

Sometimes I’m So Bored I Don’t Want To Do Anything
Is that even possible? I have a million things to do, and I just don’t want to do anything. I never thought I would look forward to Monday coming so I could go to work. For the first time since my kids were born, there seem to be too many hours in a day. I love doing crossword puzzles because it relaxes me and works my brain. I haven’t done a crossword puzzle in three weeks. I’m too relaxed if that’s even possible for someone as lazy as me.

Marking The Calendar Every Time We Complete A Roll Of Toilet Paper
I really have no idea how long a roll of toilet paper lasts in our house. We’re not hoarders by any stretch of the imagination, but my wife has always kept a healthy inventory of paper towels and toilet paper. She buys in bulk and when it’s on sale. In 36 years of marriage, I don’t ever remember running out of those items.

I’m Watching Way Too Much Of The Game Show Network
I have always been a game show aficionado, but I’m becoming obsessed with them. Part of it is because I can’t stand watching the news anymore and I’ve seen most of the sitcoms being rerun. I enjoy the simplicity of The Match Game from the ’70s or Catch 21. I even like the new show America Says, kind of like Family Feud, only they give you the first letter of all the answers. And just so you know, I believe the questions on Jeopardy are much harder than I remember.

Stay safe everyone.

Paul DiSclafani, a Massapequa resident, is a 2018 Press Club of Long Island award-winning columnist and an Anton Media Group contributor since 2016.

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