Even More New Year’s Resolutions I Intend To Keep


Welcome to 2020, dear readers.

As such, it’s time for us to confront our demons and make New Year’s resolutions. Every year, millions of people make resolutions they intend to keep, only to fail by the time the calendar turns to February. Less than 30 percent of people are still sticking to their resolutions as we head into April.
I won’t lie to you. I’m just as weak as the next guy, and though we spend New Year’s Eve reflecting on the previous 364 days, I’d like to do better as we begin the new year. I never truly understood the power of Jan. 1, but it seems to be as good a motivator as any for people to make changes to their lives, especially their behaviors.

Having the conviction to recognize things in your life you would like to make changes to is not as difficult as actually making those changes. So, as I have done the previous two years, I am going to continue to make New Year’s resolutions I know I can keep.
I am happy to report that just like 2018, when I vowed in this column to not lose any weight, join a gym, eat healthier or learn a new skill, I have completed 2019 with all my resolutions intact:

Procrastinate More
I took my sweet time on almost everything I attempted to do in 2019 and eventually came through with flying colors. No fuss, no muss. This change in my life has certainly helped my stress level.

Spend My Children’s Inheritance
My wife and I went on vacation a few times without giving any thought to saving money. Nothing lavish, just enjoyable. We spent money on renovating the basement and went out to eat much more than we used to. We saw movies when we wanted to and went to a few overpriced concerts. I highly recommend this to anyone.

No Binge-Watching
We watched our favorite shows on Netflix or Amazon Prime, but instead of spending 10 hours on the weekend, we viewed one or two episodes at a time. That’s how TV is intended to be watched. I’m happy to report that we have avoided marathon TV viewing sessions all year.

So what about 2020? Here are some resolutions I know I’ll be able to keep.

No More Fake Food
I will not eat anything that is pretending to be something else. I tried the “Impossible Whopper,” but I’m drawing the line at Dunkin’ Donuts “Beyond Sausage.” I vow to not eat anything advertised as “incredible” or “amazing.” That includes things like “Egg-Beaters” and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” You can’t fool me because it still tastes more like margarine. There is just no reason to make food that looks and tastes like something else. Companies are bragging about making things out of plants that taste like beef. Guess what? Cows taste like beef.

More Relaxing, Less Sweating
As a person that sweats reading the newspaper, I vow to spend more time in 2020 doing crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles and couch sitting. I’m going to be 63 this year, and it’s time to retire from doing physical labor. I have money, so I can hire people to do things. I have a snowblower and two healthy boys, shouldn’t they be doing more things for their old man?

Social Media Will Not Influence My Decisions
Our leaders in Washington feel foreign governments are interfering in our elections by infiltrating social media and influencing our citizens. Well, not this citizen. I vow to ignore any Facebook posts that try to control which way I should vote on subjects like what color a dress is or which cat is the cutest.

So, best of luck to all of you in 2020, dear readers, as you do your best to keep those resolutions. I know I’ll keep mine.

Paul DiSclafani, a Massapequa resident, is a 2018 Press Club of Long Island award-winning columnist and an Anton Media Group contributor since 2016.

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Paul DiSclafani is a columnist for Massapequa Observer. He has called Massapequa home for 50 years.

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