Maybe the third time is the charm?
I’m not rich by any means, and like most of you, I could use an extra million or two. To be honest, you don’t get too many legitimate offers to sock away that much rainy-day cash. With all the scams out there today, you have to be careful.
A few years ago, I told you of an urgent email plea for assistance I received from Abbah Abacha, the son of a Nigerian Army General who was an avid reader of my column. He needed my help to secure a $33 million inheritance, but once my wife got wind of it, she put the kibosh on that deal. All they wanted was my bank account information and they would have rewarded me with more than $3 million. I’ll still never forgive her for that.
Then last year, I told you about a crucial email I received from a Mr. George Gordon of the Debt Recovery Committee (DRC), informing me that I’ve been reported as dead. All I needed to do was prove that I was not dead, and I could prevent a mysterious woman, Mrs. Christine Morgan, from collecting a fortune being held in my name. What fortune you ask? Well, they were a little fuzzy about the details, but apparently, I had more than $2 million dollars in unrecovered funds. Who knows? Maybe I won the lottery and didn’t know about it?
It turns out that I’m not dead, so this should have been relatively easy to prove. Alas, I only had 72 hours to respond with the proof they required, like a bank account number and my mother’s maiden name, but my wife confiscated my laptop for three days. Wouldn’t you know it? I never heard from George again. Darn it, another missed opportunity. Why do I keep her around?
But this time, it’s different. This plea for assistance didn’t come from some bogus dignitary in a foreign country or some ludicrous claim that I was dead. This one came directly from Aisha Gaddafi herself, who must be a faithful reader of this column. That’s right, the only biological daughter of the late Libyan dictator, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi. She needs my help.
I can only assume that English is her second language as she wrote, “I am opportune to use this medium to open a mutual communication with you during a private search to illustrate my legal intentions towards investing in your country under your management as my partner.” Imagine that, she wants me to be her partner. Apparently, she has $27 million U.S. dollars under her control.
As a single mother of three living in exile in Algeria, she wrote about receiving asylum protection “as applauded by the UN High Commission for Refugee.” I’m glad she can live in asylum and still get applause.
She continued, “I am willing to negotiate business profit sharing ratio with you base on the future business earning profits.” Not quite sure what that means, but it sounds like I’m going to get some money for doing nothing.
And the best part? She isn’t asking for any contact information from me, and I don’t have to send her money. Obviously, Aisha knows all about me and my excellent character references or she wouldn’t have asked me to become her business partner, right? The email was addressed, “Dear Friend.” How sweet was that?
She just wants an urgent reply to her email address, firstname.lastname@example.org. So what if her email address includes a different spelling of her last name (Qadafi), it also contains “1976”—that’s the year she was born, so it has to be legitimate.
Imagine, a mild-mannered columnist like me, managing a business for the only biological daughter of a dictator whose administration consistently violated the fundamental human rights of its people and supported worldwide terrorism.
After all, what could possibly go wrong?
Paul DiSclafani, a Massapequa resident, is a 2018 Press Club of Long Island award winning columnist and an Anton Media Group contributor since 2016.